Selfish
by Kezziexx
Summary: She wasn't selfish...No they were selfish. Carly Centric but about Seddie


_**So got bored...and this happened. I have like 7 other one shots half finished I'm going to get them all finished before I go back to sixth form on 5th :)  
**_

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She wasn't selfish for wanting them to break up, not when their relationship was affecting something they all cared about. iCarly. It's not that the playful banter that the audience so much-loved wasn't their it was the fact they now knew it was just playful and that really they loved each-other and that changed what the group was. It was no long two Frienemies kept alive by their best friend that took the middle spot of the trio. No now it was a couple and their best friend who took the spot on the outer edge because the couple wanted to hold hands. She wasn't selfish to feel left out or lonely, and despite having many friends that she could talk to or hang out with while the couple sucked on one another's face it wasn't selfish to want to be with her _best _friends.

It wasn't selfish to be jealous. She couldn't help but see the way they'd kiss or hold hands or the way he'd look at her. And the thought that he'd never given her _that _look before that she was the girl for years he stated he was in unrequited love with. But the look of devotion and need in his eyes when he looked at her. It was never a look she had received from anyone not even him. It wasn't selfish to think that she could have had him first. She choose to deny him. It wasn't mean or selfish it was simply the truth.

She loved her best friend, but she would be lying, and she was terrible at it, if she said the Sunday morning when the blonde had explained the events of the previous night, that she wasn't the tiniest bit...elated, because it wasn't selfish to not want something you didn't have essentially flaunted in your face. (albeit not deliberately or known)

And she wasn't selfish to feel excited and happy to have, what she had began to call the natural order of things, restored when the tech producer's feelings began to resurface and none to discretely at that, It was just that it reminded her of the simpler days when her friends didn't keep secrets from her they all knew their place in the group and where _happy_ with it. Well she had never heard any complaints.

She didn't think it was selfish to act on his feelings, even if she didn't quite return them. There was all the possibility of her developing the feelings but she wouldn't know unless she gave it ago. Although she was quiet annoyed at Her female best friends actions of avoiding the newly formed couple and acting almost betrayed by their relationship, the brunette girl just didn't understand why she was being selfish.

She was never selfish she tried to divide he time equally between friend time, boyfriend time and group time however sometimes the lines of priorities in certain areas became merged and she couldn't help but feel agitated by the annoyance of her friends and lover. They didn't understand her situation, they just needed to stop being so selfish.

After 6 months the feeling of being loved and being told 'you're beautiful' everyday became more of a necessity than oxygen. The confidence emulated from every pore and finding someone just aswell qualified as her current courtship would indeed require an interview and reference check, so staying with him wasn't selfish no. He got to love her, the girl he had _Always_ loved and she got everything she wanted(needed). It was win-win. No-one could lose, because it wasn't selfish at all.

An 8 month relationship was more than commitment so it was only right that they go to college together, applying to the warmer sunnier states, and informing him to avoid all states without a beach. It wasn't selfish to want to enjoy her college years, no. It was the best years of their lives.

She had been mildly aware that her best friend for the brief fling, her courted had help her raise her grade however she had been unaware that she had maintained them to such a standard, it wasn't selfish, her co-host rarely mentioned school other than to moan and in her defence she herself had been busy, she had her own school work, a boyfriend and a web show to do, her side kick only two-thirds.

She had decided her destination from more or less day one but refused to decided ultimately until exploring her full options. UCLA, beaches, school and not the furthest possible destination from Seattle. She had made both her best friend apply because separation wasn't an option she refused to lose her friends and refused to end iCarly, it meant to much to all of them and in LA, the land of the famous only good could come from the pseudo-fame that was carried with it, and it wasn't selfish to be thinking of further opportunities.

For months she had been dreaming of the Californian beaches, the waves, the heat, the school. Nothing was going to stop her. Well until the acceptance letters came. Then a decision was to be made of course they had all applied to the same colleges to ensure they could stick together but when the blonde reviled the 'regret' from her paper from LA, it appeared to the trio the only way to stay as a unit would be to in fact remain in the sweet city of Seattle, but it wasn't selfish to still want the sun of Cali.

And it wasn't selfish when the allure of the golden shores became to great, it was her future. She shouldn't make her decisions based on other people's rejections. No, it wasn't fair that her future of sun and Sea and a brown-haired tech producer that she had planned ever so carefully be changed because it wasn't just her future it was his as well. So when she told he they would be going to UCLA she wasn't being selfish, she was looking at their futures.

She wasn't selfish leaving her best friend behind. She was a big girl, always independent and being on the same coast meant that return homes for vacations would be easy, so long as the Californian weather didn't sway her leaving, to the harsh weather of rainy Seattle.

She was ready the next morning they would leave and the start of a new life and all the new opportunities that awaited them would be at their finger tips, the mild insomnia of eager anticipation left her with nothing but excitement for the college of her dreams, and she wasn't being selfish being excited she had every right, leaving the blonde didn't mean forgetting she was simply growing up and needed to be free and independent.

They were selfish. She had awoken from her bed as the alarm buzzed and readied herself for an exciting day, everything was packed and with only an hour left till departure she wondered what could be keeping the always punctual brunette, ideas of his mothers inability to say goodbye and/or rigorous luggage checks filtered through her mind, until noticing the lack of one ham eater, she promised to be there to say goodbye however tardiness on her account was usual, for a moment she concluded they must have agree to meet at the apartment across the hall before shaking her head and determining that they always met at her apartment. So she debarked on an inquiry, venturing across to the door labelled 8-D, it felt almost foreign territory walking through the door into the obscenely sanitary apartment, she had only been in a handful of times, because they always met at her apartment. But despite her unfamiliarity she found the boys bedroom with ease and discovered an obvious lack of anything all the person items making the bed room unique now stood empty...lifeless but an envelope stood on the bedside cabinet, her name scrawled across the front. They were selfish. The letter explained deep sympathies from both offending parties explaining their sorrow for leaving to learn at Colombia together, a college she hadn't even applied for, but they were in love, they couldn't be apart and that once again they were sorry.

They had left her alone. Ignored her for their own happiness forgetting entirely about her. _They were selfish._

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_**So... Review? Lol**_


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